Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday August 1st, Evening
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Life Imitating Art
(Image)
Co-Worker X [10:36 AM]:
Me [10:36 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:41 AM]:
Me [10:41 AM]:
Me [10:42 AM]:
Me [10:42 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:42 AM]:
[We leave our desks and go downstairs to the cafe, chat a bit about the challenge of finding fulfillment between 9 and 5. We part with Co-Worker X saying something along the lines of our conversations being nothing short of uplifting. The online chat resumes.]
Me [10:53 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:54 AM]:
Me [10:54 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:54 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:55 AM]:
Me [10:55 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:55 AM]:
Me [10:56 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
Me [10:56 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:57 AM]:
Me [10:58 AM]:
Co-Worker X [10:58 AM]:
Me [10:59 AM]:
Me [10:59 AM]:
Me [11:00 AM]:
Me [11:00 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:01 AM]:
Me [11:01 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:01 AM]:
Me [11:01 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:02 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:02 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:02 AM]:
Me [11:03 AM]:
Me [11:03 AM]:
Me [11:04 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:04 AM]:
Me [11:04 AM]:
Co-Worker X [11:05 AM]:
Later that day ...
Co-Worker X [2:39 PM]
Me [2:40 PM]:
Co-Worker X [2:40 PM]:
Me [2:40 PM]:
Co-Worker X [2:41 PM]:
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
In Every Life a Little Rain, Etc.
Instead:
I have been going to work and going to yoga and buying groceries and crashing terrasses.
I have been staying home and doing laundry and cleaning surfaces and maintaining right angles.
I have been eating packaged food.
I have been staying up late.
I have been sleeping in my clothes.
And television too. There’s been a lot of that. Bad but good.
(Did you know that Jeff Goldblum is on Law and Order now?)
I have been sad.
Midsummer approaches and I am trying to stay buoyant in deep-sea diving boots.
I’ll write again soon.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Colour Your World
Willow Branch
Water Sprout
Palm Breeze
Pine Scent
I am trying to pick a grey-green for the spare bedroom. I am overwhelmed by choice.
Cascading Water
Lily Pond
Moss Mist
Turtle Dove
Spring Hill
Minnesota Pines
Pastel Sage
Mountain Haze
Steeplechase
White Mantle
I suppose some clever geek could have devised an automatic name generator and simply churned them out. (Such a thing exists. I just asked it to randomly generate five names and I got: Boston Denim, Cloudy Winter, Cobalt Earth, Mountain Strawberry, and Riviera Rose. Who knows what they look like? Do strawberries even grow on mountains? What kind of person chooses Cloudy Winter?)
It could be fun.
Hemlock Bud
Morning Blend
Or soul-sucking.
Mystical Sea
Or both.
Celery Ice
Part of my job involves naming things. But instead of colour, I work in staid software. Recently I collaborated on an application to allow customers to return products through a Web shop interface.
Me: What’s this … Customer Wish? What does that have to do with returns?
Product Manager: This is where the customer tells the vendor what they want.
Me: What do you mean?
PM: Like a replacement product, or a credit or refund.
Me: Well then. No. Customer Wish won't do. Sounds like the Amazon wish list. Besides, Customer Wish is too flimsy. Wishing is something you do on a star. Or blowing out candles. Returning a product and asking for your money back is too straightforward for that.
PM: Ok, how about Wished Processing?
Me: No. No wishing!
In the end I signed off on Requested Action, squelching whimsy in favour of something colder and more transactional.
Brown Ice
Frosty Beige
Frozen Concrete
Taupe Torpor
Monday, February 15, 2010
Vera Diggins, 1919-2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Hopeless Romantic
I have never considered myself a romantic. Romance. I’m not even sure what the term means. When I hear it, the first things that pop to mind are clichés: heart-shaped boxes of chocolate; clasped hands and deep, meaningful gazes across candlelit tables at restaurants shot in soft focus featuring burgundy velour and dark wood paneling; long walks on the beach at sunset; pina coladas; getting caught in the rain.
None of these things are inherently bad. I like chocolate, especially the salty kind. I suppose, given the right context and circumstances, clasping hands with my … my lover (another troubling term) and staring deep into his eyes could make sense (although preferably not in a place with décor reminiscent of a fancy steakhouse, I remain firm on that point). If I were in the vicinity of a body of water and the sun started sinking into it and if I were with a guy, I wouldn’t be all like “Whoa, we’d better take shelter somewhere until the last vestiges of pink and orange have been blotted out by darkness.” No. No way. And pina coladas are delicious. And getting caught in a summer rain shower could be fun if you’re not on your way to a job interview, or halfway home from the market lugging five bags of groceries.
So what’s the problem? The problem is that lately I’ve been asked whether I consider myself a romantic, and to what extent romance is important to me.
How romantic are you?
1. I love lots of romance, it is a necessity for me to feel loved
2. I am romantic, but do not require it
3. I am occasionally romantic
4. I don't consider myself a romantic person
5. _________________________________
Every time I’m hit with this question, I cringe. True, option #4 corresponds with my opening statement, but it still seems wrong for me. I imagine it is the choice a robot would make, or a fish. I don’t like #3 because it sounds too much like option #4, but with brief, lucid flashes of sweet thoughtfulness emerging from an otherwise cold, limp norm. Option #2 has a hint of resignation about it. Option #1 sounds too demanding. My tendency is to go for #5 and try to unpack as much as I can in 200 characters or less.
The other day I was discussing my romantic misgivings with a male friend who is like a brother to me. Part of what makes him like kin is that we can only discuss matters of the heart via electronic communication even though we could just as easily do so face-to-face. After angsting about all of the above and then some, he replied:
Marvin says:
Do you like flowers?
Kim says:
Oh yes! I like those.
Marvin says:
Then you are romantic. Have you ever given someone flowers?
Kim says:
Well, yes. Although we were kind of fighting at the time.
Marvin says:
If the flowers were to make up for something, then you lose points.
In any case, I pity the fool who tries to romance you.
Granted, that last comment is in keeping with the often savage tone of our banter. But it still made me question myself. Am I really that emotionally stunted? Cold? Empty? Brutal?
I would like to think that I am none of those things. I mean, I’ve been brought to tears by TV commercials, never mind full-blown narratives with actual character development to further lure me in and crush me. I am consistently undone by Elbow’s rendition of The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver performed with the BBC Concert Orchestra. I once moved to Australia to be with a guy I’d known for a week. It didn’t work out, but there were no hard feelings in the end. As with most men I’ve been involved with, we were two good people who weren’t so good together. And yes, I have a little cache of mushy fantasies that I never tell anyone about. They’re all swimming around my head as I write this, but don’t ask me to articulate them.
I’m convinced my upbringing has something to do with my ambivalence towards romance. As any armchair psychologist will tell you, our blueprint for relating to others comes from our parents. And mine never really exhibited what might be commonly considered romantic behavior. Not in front of us kids anyway. As mentioned in an earlier post, candlelight didn’t figure prominently in our household. I have no memories of them slow dancing in the living room after dinner to the strains of “Three Times a Lady”. I don’t recall my father ever bringing my mother flowers, although one year for Valentine’s Day he did buy her hubcaps.
This year they will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. And from what I can tell, they are happy. There is love between them; love and a bunch of other stuff that accumulates after four decades of togetherness. My friend Kurt refers to his parents as The Bickersons, and I’ve started doing the same with mine. They drive each other nuts, but at least some of the squabbling is comedic. My father is the instigator, and my mother’s role is to react. It’s this tendency towards needling that has influenced how I behave with those I like, as well as those I love. In the monkey-see-monkey-do fashion of children, I have learned that ribbing and zinging are signs of affection.
This hasn’t always served me well. People don’t always get my jokes. Admittedly, a fair number of my attempts at humor fall flat. For example, an ex of mine had interesting hands. They were kind of meaty and I liked them. He once showed me a shot of himself taken in an exotic locale, shortly after emerging from a long session in a hot tub. He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and his hands appeared swollen and red, dangling as though photo-shopped from a different body. I took all this in, laughed and said something like “Look at you: Fat Hands McGhee!”
I was only teasing. His last name isn’t McGhee, and his hands aren’t really fat. But he was so hurt, because as a child he’d battled weight issues and there I was, apparently suggesting some kind of residual chubbiness. Not at all my intention. I was eventually able to convince him of this, but there are few things as unromantic as vigorous backpedaling after a joke gone wrong. (Interestingly, he later started referring to himself as Fat Hands McGhee, and took to enthusiastically slamming tabletops as the signature move for his adopted moniker.)
Yet humor isn’t in and of itself anti-romantic. Laughing together can be sexy. I guess humor becomes problematic when used as a shield against vulnerability. And maybe that’s what gets me about romance: being vulnerable. When you get past all the prepackaged Hallmark sap and Hollywood cheese that I find so easy to mock, romantic gestures, be they grand or small, are always about pinning your heart to your sleeve. We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of a failed romantic offering, and it can hurt like blazes.
There is more to a relationship than romance, of course. If someone offered me the choice of writing me a poem, or helping me to paint my apartment, I’d be shoving a paintbrush into his hands faster than he could say, “Roses are red, violets are blue.” Mutual respect, trust, friendship, loyalty, teamwork, shared vision and goals and whole lot of other stuff are, as far as I’m concerned, necessary components for a lasting relationship.
But … all right, yes … romance can make it all that much sweeter. And yes, I’ll admit it: I do like flowers and holding hands and thoughtful gestures both grand and small.
Just don’t tell anyone, okay?
Image source
Monday, January 4, 2010
A Different World
The holidays are a special time.
Anyways there I was this morning, going through the contents of my inbox when I came across the following from a colleague in Bangalore.
(Note: Some personal and corporate details have been removed in the interest of not getting fired.)
______________________________________
From: DJT
Sent: Wednesday, December 30, 2009 4:14 AM
To: DL ST2
Subject: FW: {URGENT} Bangalore Office to close early today
Dear Team,
Today I will be leaving early due to the anticipated unrest in Bangalore city due to the sudden demise of a famous actor. See you tomorrow.
Have a nice day
Thanks and Regards
D
______________________________________
Intrigued, I proceeded to the original forwarded message.
______________________________________
From: Info @ Labs India
Sent: Wednesday, 30 December 2009 2:35 PM
To: DL SLI BLR ALL
Subject: {URGENT} Bangalore Office to close early today
FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY
Dear Colleagues,
As you would be aware, earlier today one of the legendary actors from the Kannada film industry, Dr. Vishnuvardhan passed away due to a cardiac arrest.
We anticipate unrest in many parts of Bangalore city, with the actor's fans taking to the streets and disrupting normal life today. Hence as a precautionary measure, we have decided to close the Bangalore office early at 2:45 P.M.
All colleagues are requested to take the shuttles starting this time. We also request colleagues who have their own vehicles to leave by this time as well. The regular evening shuttles (5:15 PM, 7:05 PM and 9:30 PM) and the late evening cab services stand cancelled.
We will continue to monitor the situation closely. For further updates, please call the hotline.
Best Regards,
Crisis Management Team
Labs India
______________________________________
Here is Dr. Vishnuvardhan:
No Canadian performer could elicit such a response. If Donald Sutherland dropped dead on the sidewalk outside my office, we’d still be open for business up on the fourth floor. If Anne Murray, Elvis Stojko, Michael J. Fox, Pamela Anderson, Alex Trebek, and the original members of Steppenwolf were in a private jet that exploded over the Lachine Canal, it still wouldn’t be enough to paralyze local industry. If the Montreal Canadiens and Team Canada simultaneously won the Stanley Cup and the gold medal respectively, during business hours, I’ll wager the ensuing frenzy would take place mostly on Ste. Catherine Street, with a few yahoos disrupting the celebrations.
But over in my neck of the woods, projects would continue to be managed, code developed, and documentation written.
In any case, I'd be into tracking down a few Vishnuvardhan titles. Apparently the guy was good.
UPDATE: Since posting this entry, my friend and co-worker Molly has suggested that a big Habs win could actually provoke a fair bit more mayhem than I've described. True, but I still say that it wouldn't be enough for the Montreal office to shut down pre-emptively.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Monday, December 21, 2009
Lee, Elton, Ethel, and Orson
Happy Merry!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Notes from the Trenches
Kim says:
It's tiring being cool and gracious all the time.
Kim says:
So I'm going to pick on Jess at the xmas party tonight.
Kim says:
Make fun of her airline hostess scarf.
Marvin says:
I can see why you might have wanted me to come though... Jess certainly would have dodged a bullet.
Kim says:
Exactly. You're a great punching bag.
Marvin says:
I thought so. Ask J for some salted peanuts and another pillow for me will you? (flight attendant reference)
Kim says:
Will do.
Kim says:
(snip)
Kim says:
Hey there, Marvin says he'd like some salted peanuts and an extra pillow when you've got a minute.
Jessica says:
Oh, hilarious.
Jessica says:
Marvin is only getting a slap in the face when I have a minute
(snip)
Marvin says:
OMG... you started the whole thing!
Jessica has been added to the conversation.
Marvin says:
Kim started the whole thing and prompted me to add something to the conversation. She should get the slap!
Jessica says:
You're both getting slapped
Jessica says:
that way it's even
Kim says:
Hee!
Marvin says:
Given the amount of things about me that I have to be bugged about (pear shape, hair loss, etc...) - don't you think I know to keep my mouth shut? Kim is evil... pure evil.
Kim says:
I never said you were pear shaped!
Jessica says:
Also, that's not even true
Jessica says:
you flap your lip all the time
Kim says:
Also, when I make fun of your hair it's because of its shape.
Kim says:
And yeah! You're a lip flapper!
Jessica says:
pear-shaped?
Marvin says:
No hang on that wasn't an invitation to start bugging me.
Kim says:
His hair you mean?
Jessica says:
yeah, what shape is it?
Kim says:
Sometimes astro boy, but lately it's like a triangle.
Marvin says:
Besides, Jess don't you have to prepare for arrival and crosscheck?
Jessica says:
there you go, flapping your lip again
Kim says:
I want her to point out the emergency exits.
Marvin has left the conversation.
Kim says:
Fine. He's left the conversation. What a wuss.
Jessica says:
I know, can't take the heat
Kim says:
And so he's out of the kitchen!
Jessica says:
sigh, what now?
Kim says:
Meh, I dunno.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Waxing Nostalgic
This candle is a family heirloom. He's been part of my Christmas landscape for as long as I can remember. And although more than thirty years old, Santa is as sprightly as ever.
Look at him: part of his left mitt was chewed off sometime in the late 70s, so he seems to be patting his hair coquettishly rather than waving. His cheeks and mouth are red, his eyelashes long, his wick still erect.
He is one of a set of three: two Santas and a Frosty the Snowman. Mom gave each of my siblings and I one when we moved out. She's funny like that. Every year I get a Christmas decoration in my stocking, be it a plastic penguin on skis, or a glass ornament purchased as part of a community fundraising effort, or a stuffed bear sporting a festive tuque. In the old days, mothers would collect linens for their daughters to prepare them for when they had households of their own. My mother does the same but with ornaments, as though a house is only a home at Christmastime when it contains a porcelain set of St. Nicks from around the world. I don't think any of us will ever burn our bequeathed candles. After seeing them lined up on side tables for a few dozen Decembers, setting fire to Santa and watching him melt would feel like sacrilege.
When I was growing up, my parents only lit candles that went on birthday cakes. Holiday pillars kept their white waxy tips from one year to the next, and this didn't seem unusual to me. My parents are not mood-lighting people. Although never stated, I think they view candle burning as an extravagance, and the flickering light an impediment to properly viewing the contents of their dinner plates. When we were young they probably also worried that one of us would accidentally burn the house down.
A few Christmases ago I took the train for the yearly trip to see my family. I arrived in the evening and mom picked me up at the station. When we got home I opened the front door and was greeted by loud music and a blaze of light. I can't remember whether carols were playing or if dad had simply put on some Dire Straits or Springsteen or Beatles or what. In any case, he was dancing, the tree lights were on along with all the overhead lights and lamps, and every single decorative candle in the room was lit. My sister and brother were already there, enjoying the show.
"He's been into the sauce," said Heather.
Dad looked over at mom and I and froze, making a mock show of fear. "Uh oh, now I'm in for it. Your mother's gonna kill me." Then he resumed his dance, throwing his head back and his arms up in the air.
"I did it, honey! I lit them! I lit them all!"
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Cottage Life
I haven't thought about the cottage in a while. Or cottages; in my immediate family there were three.
The first two were on Clear Lake, located in the Rideau Corridor (http://www.rideau-info.com/canal/ecology/article-ecology.html).
Cottage #1 was a cabin that my parents bought when they were young and cash-strapped. Green rug in the living room, plywood floor leading to a bathroom with a porta-pottie, and gas lamps for light.

My brother and sister and I shared a room crowded with a bunk bed and a fold-out cot. In floor corners we'd dump oversized hobo pouches made of bright, patterned 70s fabric. Mom fashioned them for us to pack our weekend gear, labeling each with our names in marker. Leftover material was used for bedroom curtains.
Daytime activities were varied. Picking wild blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries. Seeking out frogs, turtles, mink, snakes, mice, and chipmunks.

Observing the beaver dam. Fighting over binoculars to better view the blue heron or the loons on the lake. Swimming, canoeing, and riding to Chaffey's Lock in the red motorboat. And though I never got the hang of the windsurfer, dad did. On gusty days he was something to see.
Blackflies, horseflies, mosquitoes. Damselflies and dragonflies.
Patches of trillium and the leaning cedar tree.
Large indentations on the hill around the bend that I hypothesized were caused by dinosaur or meteor.
At night we read or played games like Boggle or Dominoes. Or cards. Christ, I sucked at cards. My sister kicked my ass every time.
Then there were the chores -- stick gathering comes to mind. I was probably a real pill about it too. Yup, idyllic as it was, there were times I moped about having to go to the cottage with my little brother and sister when it would be much more fun to stay in town for sleepover parties with friends. And use a real toilet.
Cottage #2 was built on the same piece of land. A bigger construction with a wood exterior. My parents had the frame built, and then tasked themselves with finishing the interior.

I recall it being a lot of work.
The old cabin was hauled away in wintertime after the new one was erected. I didn't miss it, but it maintains a more prominent place in my memory than its successors.
A few years later my parents sold the second place. I don't know why. Money problems? Stress over keeping up a second property? Irritation at having to listen to children complain that they'd rather be playing video games or hanging out at the mall?
Whatever the issue, they must have resolved it for a time, because a year or two later they bought cottage #3. It was in the same general area. Two stories, a few bedrooms, fully finished. But I was only there sporadically. My weekends were being given over increasingly to summer jobs and to my high school social life, such as it was. After a while, my parents sold again.
The constant during the first twenty years of my life was my grandparents' cottage, located about 45 minutes away from ours.

I had more fun there. My parents didn't view their surroundings through a filter of to-do lists, and there were usually lots of people around to distract my siblings and I from our bickering.
Details of that cottage on Higley Lake are still vivid: the screened-in porch where we'd have lunch, old framed photographs, floral-print sofas, blue upholstered rocking chair, party-line telephone, and the smell of something that I can only think might have been old books. There was a big window that overlooked the lake by day, and provided an entomological showcase by night. And the lake itself was great. It wasn't overtaken by weeds, and it was deep enough that you could do jumps off the end of the dock. We'd spend hours down there.

Back inside, granddad would serve us ginger ale, and we would place our glasses on pastel aluminum coasters.
Theirs was the site of many extended family dinners.
Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yay God.
My grandparents sold the cottage in the mid-nineties, I think. They were getting older and having trouble keeping the place up, and with new constructions popping up along the property line, the sense of seclusion was spoiled anyway.
During my late teens and early twenties, the cottage experience faded. After years in the suburbs I was enjoying life in Toronto, and then Montreal. It was urban and it was exciting. At the time I couldn't get enough of it.
But lately there's been a shift. Getting out of town to a cottage is a treat that doesn't happen often enough for my liking. Granted, it's different now. My friends and I usually rent a place near St. Agathe. Or we take advantage of the Elkin family cabin near St. Sauveur. Our meals are fancier, the booze flows freely. We have Double Dominoes instead of Dominoes, and the best evenings include a few rounds of Celebrities.

But the nighttime absence of city hum and light is the same as it ever was, and the air smells just as good.
And while I may be all grown up, competitive dock jumping never gets old.














