Monday, August 2, 2010

Sunday August 1st, Evening


I am sitting on a train headed back to Montreal after having spent the weekend in Ontario for my parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary party. Mom, dad, siblings and spouses, nieces, aunts, uncles, and cousins were all in attendance. It was nice. My family has its quirks like any other, but nothing dreadful. Nothing like in movies set at Thanksgiving dinner tables. No sniping, histrionics, or passive-aggression. We laugh a lot. I like my people. I am lucky.

Still, spending time with them requires fine-tuning. Necessary adjustments to attitudes and behaviors when we discover, once again, that we don’t completely understand one another. To get along and head off frustration, I mute certain parts of myself and amplify others. This isn’t as bad as it may sound. Most people do this every day when they go to work, or to cocktail parties, or whatever. I manage easily enough by agreeing to be the goof that they have always known, and accept the ribbings as they come. It’s as familiar as mom’s oatmeal-raisin cookies.

The party was at my sister’s on Saturday afternoon. The rest of the time I was at my parents’ house, where we engaged in a lot of the usual. We showed each other silly things on the Internet that make us laugh. My parents argued over the crossword puzzle and gossiped about the neighbors. I told them that I am doing well at work and that I am generally fine. Dad tried to teach me how to change a bicycle tire, and I pretended to listen. Mom flitted about, offering soup, tea, and lemon squares. And because we had a whole day before my train left this evening, we visited vineyards around Wellington-on-the-Lake. Dad and I quaffed samples and bought bottles, while mom perused maps and collected tourist pamphlets.

The time leading up to my departure was one of mixed feelings, as it often is. On the one hand, it’s a relief knowing that I will soon sleep in my own bed. That I will be back among my friends. That dinner can take place after 6:30 pm.

On the other hand, my parents are comforting. They care like no one else. And they are getting older.

Mom drove me to the station this time. It’s a half-hour drive from their house, and dad opted to stay behind. As we pulled out of the driveway and dad stood waving, I remembered that I meant to have a photo taken with them. I don’t have any recent pictures of us together. A shot of us that afternoon at one of the wineries would have been perfect, but I forgot my camera and now the moment is gone.

“Don’t worry, Kim,” said mom, “There are lots of other vineyards for us to visit. Next time.”

As the train moves through darkened landscapes, my mind wanders to work, to upcoming evenings out, to the contents of my fridge. I am settling back into my life. But still, in this space between places, I feel a gentle tug back.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Life Imitating Art


(Image)

Co-Worker X [10:36 AM]:
I'm going to get a coffee - interested?

Me [10:36 AM]:
Normally I'd say yes, but I've got a cup here on my desk. Thanks for asking though.

Co-Worker X [10:41 AM]:
I can't stand the minutiae of my daily life

Me [10:41 AM]:
I hear dat.

Me [10:42 AM]:
Want to vent a bit while getting coffee?

Me [10:42 AM]:
I can bring my cup and you can buy yours.

Co-Worker X [10:42 AM]:
OK

[We leave our desks and go downstairs to the cafe, chat a bit about the challenge of finding fulfillment between 9 and 5. We part with Co-Worker X saying something along the lines of our conversations being nothing short of uplifting. The online chat resumes.]

Me [10:53 AM]:
Yeah, sorry for not being a ray of sunshine.

Co-Worker X [10:54 AM]:
Hey It's not as though I had any light to shine either...

Me [10:54 AM]:
That is true too.

Co-Worker X [10:54 AM]:
Maybe W. had the right idea

Co-Worker X [10:55 AM]:
Then again no property to worry about, no kids, partner?

Me [10:55 AM]:
Yeah, she had the right idea. As did A. It's just harder to ... yeah, exactly.

Co-Worker X [10:55 AM]:
I wish my spouse made lots of money...

Me [10:56 AM]:
I wish my cat would get off her ass and get a job.

Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
I don't expect to get any pity from you.

Me [10:56 AM]:
Oh, I pity you all the time.

Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
I knew something like that was coming back at me.

Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
Ha!

Co-Worker X [10:56 AM]:
The sun is coming out.... ! NOT!

Co-Worker X [10:57 AM]:
What... what's that I just read on your lips! Did you call me fat AGAIN!

Me [10:58 AM]:
I thought I was whispering.

Co-Worker X [10:58 AM]:
As with all disabilities my weight has given me a hightened sense of hearing... remember that.

Me [10:59 AM]:
Oh X. You cut a fine figure, your dream job is just around the corner, and soon all your financial troubles will disappear when you win the lottery!

Me [10:59 AM]:
Yay!

Me [11:00 AM]:
Life is awesome!

Me [11:00 AM]:
Woo!

Co-Worker X [11:01 AM]:
I feel empty.

Me [11:01 AM]:
This is making me think of Beckett.

Co-Worker X [11:01 AM]:
BTW - Happy is not a good fit for you.

Me [11:01 AM]:
Wasn't there a Beckett play called "Happy Times" or something? I'm going to look this up.

Co-Worker X [11:02 AM]:
Alright... I better go before I sinch this noose around my neck.

Co-Worker X [11:02 AM]:
cinch?

Co-Worker X [11:02 AM]:
I can't even spell... and I make a living writing.

Me [11:03 AM]:
"Happy Days" -- that's it.

Me [11:03 AM]:
"Faithfully adhering to Beckett's minimalist original, a black parody of love, marriage, and our search for meaning in an unfathomable universe, the piece consists of but two pathetic characters."

Me [11:04 AM]:
"One, wife Winnie, spends the duration of the drama half-buried in a pile of dirt; in true Beckett fashion, her predicament is never explained. The other character, husband Willie, is almost never seen. Dublin stage and screen veteran Rosaleen Linehan, in the lead, is exceptional as the trapped woman clinging to the empty, arbitrary routines and rituals of life, ever hopeful that 'this is going to be a happy day.' "

Co-Worker X [11:04 AM]:
"....the piece consists of but two pathetic characters." Eerie, eh?

Me [11:04 AM]:
Yes

Co-Worker X [11:05 AM]:
OMG... stop sending me this stuff.


Later that day ...

Co-Worker X [2:39 PM]

GAWD... this SPEC document is killing me!

Me [2:40 PM]:
Do you feel like you're half-buried in a pile of dirt?


Co-Worker X [2:40 PM]:
I actually started incorporating some technical diagrams to better understand it - BIG MISTAKE.


Me [2:40 PM]:
Do you find yourself clinging to the empty, arbitrary routines and rituals of life, ever hopeful that 'this is going to be a happy day'?


Co-Worker X [2:41 PM]:

To compound matters I open a dialogue with you ... another BIG MISTAKE.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

In Every Life a Little Rain, Etc.


I haven’t written in a while.

Instead:

I have been going to work and going to yoga and buying groceries and crashing terrasses.

I have been staying home and doing laundry and cleaning surfaces and maintaining right angles.

I have been eating packaged food.

I have been staying up late.

I have been sleeping in my clothes.

And television too. There’s been a lot of that. Bad but good.
(Did you know that Jeff Goldblum is on Law and Order now?)

I have been sad.

Midsummer approaches and I am trying to stay buoyant in deep-sea diving boots.

I’ll write again soon.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Dominique Day Weekend

Flowers on the balcony.


Rhubarb schnapps brewing.


And a niece born today.


Life’s good.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Colour Your World


Bluegrass White
Laurel Mist

Willow Branch
Water Sprout

Palm Breeze
Pine Scent


I am trying to pick a grey-green for the spare bedroom. I am overwhelmed by choice.

Cascading Water
Lily Pond

Moss Mist
 
Turtle Dove
 
Spring Hill
Minnesota Pines

I am impressed by the names, in a way. I imagine the effort that went into them was absurd and heroic.

Pastel Sage
Mountain Haze


Steeplechase
White Mantle

I suppose some clever geek could have devised an automatic name generator and simply churned them out. (Such a thing exists. I just asked it to randomly generate five names and I got: Boston Denim, Cloudy Winter, Cobalt Earth, Mountain Strawberry, and Riviera Rose. Who knows what they look like? Do strawberries even grow on mountains? What kind of person chooses Cloudy Winter?)

I prefer to picture liberal arts schlubs sitting around a table piled high with paint samples. Bandying about Victorian Spice and Creamy Persimmon and Peppermint Orange and Heritage Marshmallow.

It could be fun.

Hemlock Bud
Morning Blend


Or soul-sucking.

Mystical Sea

Or both.


Celery Ice

Part of my job involves naming things. But instead of colour, I work in staid software. Recently I collaborated on an application to allow customers to return products through a Web shop interface.

Me: What’s this … Customer Wish? What does that have to do with returns?

Product Manager: This is where the customer tells the vendor what they want.

Me: What do you mean?

PM: Like a replacement product, or a credit or refund.

Me: Well then. No. Customer Wish won't do. Sounds like the Amazon wish list. Besides, Customer Wish is too flimsy. Wishing is something you do on a star. Or blowing out candles. Returning a product and asking for your money back is too straightforward for that.

PM: Ok, how about Wished Processing?

Me: No. No wishing!

In the end I signed off on Requested Action, squelching whimsy in favour of something colder and
more transactional.

Brown Ice
Frosty Beige
Frozen Concrete

Taupe Torpor


Monday, February 15, 2010

Vera Diggins, 1919-2010

My last surviving grandparent, Vera Diggins, passed away late last night at age 90.

She was, quite simply, a remarkably kind and decent human being. During my whole life I don't think I ever heard her speak ill of anyone.

My grandparents raised three children and were married 60 years until my grandfather passed away in 2002.


If the definition of a life well lived is to consistently do right by those you love, then I'd have to say that hers was a life very well lived.

Love you, grandma. Rest in peace.





Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Hopeless Romantic


[This entry was inspired by my awesome blogger penpal Amanda. See the post that started it all here.]




I have never considered myself a romantic. Romance. I’m not even sure what the term means. When I hear it, the first things that pop to mind are clichés: heart-shaped boxes of chocolate; clasped hands and deep, meaningful gazes across candlelit tables at restaurants shot in soft focus featuring burgundy velour and dark wood paneling; long walks on the beach at sunset; pina coladas; getting caught in the rain.

None of these things are inherently bad. I like chocolate, especially the salty kind. I suppose, given the right context and circumstances, clasping hands with my … my lover (another troubling term) and staring deep into his eyes could make sense (although preferably not in a place with décor reminiscent of a fancy steakhouse, I remain firm on that point). If I were in the vicinity of a body of water and the sun started sinking into it and if I were with a guy, I wouldn’t be all like “Whoa, we’d better take shelter somewhere until the last vestiges of pink and orange have been blotted out by darkness.” No. No way. And pina coladas are delicious. And getting caught in a summer rain shower could be fun if you’re not on your way to a job interview, or halfway home from the market lugging five bags of groceries.

So what’s the problem? The problem is that lately I’ve been asked whether I consider myself a romantic, and to what extent romance is important to me.

How romantic are you?
1. I love lots of romance, it is a necessity for me to feel loved
2. I am romantic, but do not require it
3. I am occasionally romantic
4. I don't consider myself a romantic person
5. _________________________________

Every time I’m hit with this question, I cringe. True, option #4 corresponds with my opening statement, but it still seems wrong for me. I imagine it is the choice a robot would make, or a fish. I don’t like #3 because it sounds too much like option #4, but with brief, lucid flashes of sweet thoughtfulness emerging from an otherwise cold, limp norm. Option #2 has a hint of resignation about it. Option #1 sounds too demanding. My tendency is to go for #5 and try to unpack as much as I can in 200 characters or less.

The other day I was discussing my romantic misgivings with a male friend who is like a brother to me. Part of what makes him like kin is that we can only discuss matters of the heart via electronic communication even though we could just as easily do so face-to-face. After angsting about all of the above and then some, he replied:

Marvin says:
Do you like flowers?

Kim says:
Oh yes! I like those.

Marvin says:
Then you are romantic. Have you ever given someone flowers?

Kim says:
Well, yes. Although we were kind of fighting at the time.

Marvin says:
If the flowers were to make up for something, then you lose points.
In any case, I pity the fool who tries to romance you.

Granted, that last comment is in keeping with the often savage tone of our banter. But it still made me question myself. Am I really that emotionally stunted? Cold? Empty? Brutal?

I would like to think that I am none of those things. I mean, I’ve been brought to tears by TV commercials, never mind full-blown narratives with actual character development to further lure me in and crush me. I am consistently undone by Elbow’s rendition of The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver performed with the BBC Concert Orchestra. I once moved to Australia to be with a guy I’d known for a week. It didn’t work out, but there were no hard feelings in the end. As with most men I’ve been involved with, we were two good people who weren’t so good together. And yes, I have a little cache of mushy fantasies that I never tell anyone about. They’re all swimming around my head as I write this, but don’t ask me to articulate them.

I’m convinced my upbringing has something to do with my ambivalence towards romance. As any armchair psychologist will tell you, our blueprint for relating to others comes from our parents. And mine never really exhibited what might be commonly considered romantic behavior. Not in front of us kids anyway. As mentioned in an earlier post, candlelight didn’t figure prominently in our household. I have no memories of them slow dancing in the living room after dinner to the strains of “Three Times a Lady”. I don’t recall my father ever bringing my mother flowers, although one year for Valentine’s Day he did buy her hubcaps.

This year they will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. And from what I can tell, they are happy. There is love between them; love and a bunch of other stuff that accumulates after four decades of togetherness. My friend Kurt refers to his parents as The Bickersons, and I’ve started doing the same with mine. They drive each other nuts, but at least some of the squabbling is comedic. My father is the instigator, and my mother’s role is to react. It’s this tendency towards needling that has influenced how I behave with those I like, as well as those I love. In the monkey-see-monkey-do fashion of children, I have learned that ribbing and zinging are signs of affection.

This hasn’t always served me well. People don’t always get my jokes. Admittedly, a fair number of my attempts at humor fall flat. For example, an ex of mine had interesting hands. They were kind of meaty and I liked them. He once showed me a shot of himself taken in an exotic locale, shortly after emerging from a long session in a hot tub. He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and his hands appeared swollen and red, dangling as though photo-shopped from a different body. I took all this in, laughed and said something like “Look at you: Fat Hands McGhee!”

I was only teasing. His last name isn’t McGhee, and his hands aren’t really fat. But he was so hurt, because as a child he’d battled weight issues and there I was, apparently suggesting some kind of residual chubbiness. Not at all my intention. I was eventually able to convince him of this, but there are few things as unromantic as vigorous backpedaling after a joke gone wrong. (Interestingly, he later started referring to himself as Fat Hands McGhee, and took to enthusiastically slamming tabletops as the signature move for his adopted moniker.)

Yet humor isn’t in and of itself anti-romantic. Laughing together can be sexy. I guess humor becomes problematic when used as a shield against vulnerability. And maybe that’s what gets me about romance: being vulnerable. When you get past all the prepackaged Hallmark sap and Hollywood cheese that I find so easy to mock, romantic gestures, be they grand or small, are always about pinning your heart to your sleeve. We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of a failed romantic offering, and it can hurt like blazes.

There is more to a relationship than romance, of course. If someone offered me the choice of writing me a poem, or helping me to paint my apartment, I’d be shoving a paintbrush into his hands faster than he could say, “Roses are red, violets are blue.” Mutual respect, trust, friendship, loyalty, teamwork, shared vision and goals and whole lot of other stuff are, as far as I’m concerned, necessary components for a lasting relationship.

But … all right, yes … romance can make it all that much sweeter. And yes, I’ll admit it: I do like flowers and holding hands and thoughtful gestures both grand and small.

Just don’t tell anyone, okay?


Image source

Monday, January 4, 2010

A Different World

Today was my first day back at the office after ten days spent mostly eating and drinking in the company of friends and family while looking spiffy, or eating and drinking in the company of my cat while looking like I just rolled out of bed.

The holidays are a special time.

Anyways there I was this morning, going through the contents of my inbox when I came across the following from a colleague in Bangalore.

(Note: Some personal and corporate details have been removed in the interest of not getting fired.)

 
______________________________________

From: DJT
Sent: Wednesday, December 30, 2009 4:14 AM
To: DL ST2
Subject: FW: {URGENT} Bangalore Office to close early today


Dear Team,

Today I will be leaving early due to the anticipated unrest in Bangalore city due to the sudden demise of a famous actor. See you tomorrow.

Have a nice day

Thanks and Regards

D
______________________________________

Intrigued, I proceeded to the original forwarded message.

______________________________________
From: Info @ Labs India
Sent: Wednesday, 30 December 2009 2:35 PM
To: DL SLI BLR ALL
Subject: {URGENT} Bangalore Office to close early today

FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY

Dear Colleagues,

As you would be aware, earlier today one of the legendary actors from the Kannada film industry, Dr. Vishnuvardhan passed away due to a cardiac arrest.

We anticipate unrest in many parts of Bangalore city, with the actor's fans taking to the streets and disrupting normal life today. Hence as a precautionary measure, we have decided to close the Bangalore office early at 2:45 P.M.

All colleagues are requested to take the shuttles starting this time. We also request colleagues who have their own vehicles to leave by this time as well. The regular evening shuttles (5:15 PM, 7:05 PM and 9:30 PM) and the late evening cab services stand cancelled.

We will continue to monitor the situation closely. For further updates, please call the hotline.

Best Regards,
Crisis Management Team
Labs India
______________________________________

Here is Dr. Vishnuvardhan:



R.I.P.

No Canadian performer could elicit such a response. If Donald Sutherland dropped dead on the sidewalk outside my office, we’d still be open for business up on the fourth floor. If Anne Murray, Elvis Stojko, Michael J. Fox, Pamela Anderson, Alex Trebek, and the original members of Steppenwolf were in a private jet that exploded over the Lachine Canal, it still wouldn’t be enough to paralyze local industry. If the Montreal Canadiens and Team Canada simultaneously won the Stanley Cup and the gold medal respectively, during business hours, I’ll wager the ensuing frenzy would take place mostly on Ste. Catherine Street, with a few yahoos disrupting the celebrations.

But over in my neck of the woods, projects would continue to be managed, code developed, and documentation written. 
 

In any case, I'd be into tracking down a few Vishnuvardhan titles. Apparently the guy was good.


UPDATE: Since posting this entry, my friend and co-worker Molly has suggested that a big Habs win could actually provoke a fair bit more mayhem than I've described. True, but I still say that it wouldn't be enough for the Montreal office to shut down pre-emptively.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Sign of the Times

A few weeks ago I was addressing Christmas cards, and was again faced with the fact that I have the handwriting of an old lady.


Actually, that's not true. I am selling the elderly short. Well into her eighties, my surviving grandmother had handwriting that was measured and controlled, demonstrating a manual dexterity learned early and exercised over a lifetime. Only in recent years has it faltered.


I feel self-conscious sending her cards. Even when I use my best pen and try to carefully shape my words, the letters "h", "m", and "n" still come out squashed, and "b", "v", and "w" are misshapen. A few years ago she admonished me for my barely legible scrawl, and since then I've made occasional, half-hearted attempts to improve it. When stuck in meetings I sometimes practice: aaa, bbb, ccc, ddd.  But then I get bored and I forget about it until the next time I sit down in front of a blank birthday card, pen in hand.

I do have a special skill, though: I can write backwards with my left hand. It's not something I ever set out to master. It's just something I can do. With my right hand, sentences move from left to right. But with my left hand, the letters all flip and flow in the opposite direction. My right hand passes everything it knows to the left and while the script is shaky, it's still legible when held up to a mirror. If there's anything I should practice, it's my mirror writing. It makes for a decent party trick. 



I've always struggled with handwriting. I remember trying to make the transition from printing to script. The teacher had us use pencils until she deemed us skilled enough for ink. I was one of the last to advance beyond lead, and I suspect I was given a pass only because my teacher couldn't extend the restriction past fifth grade.


For years my writing was long and thin, slanting to the right. I would angle the top of the sheet to the left while writing, and from that perspective it looked okay. But when I straightened the paper again I was always disappointed with the outcome. Nowadays my writing is less slanted, but it's disjointed, alternating between print and script. If handwriting is indeed indicative of personality, then I am inconsistent and difficult to read.


High school typing class was the beginning of the end of my already weak penmanship skills. While slow to develop, I am now a crackerjack typist. I type fast, and I type hard. Childhood piano lessons likely had something to do with this. When completing a sentence that pleases me, I lift my right hand from the keyboard as though playing the final note of a concerto.


I couldn't imagine going back to writing everything longhand. It takes so long and makes editing such a sloppy process.


Still, handwriting can come through in a pinch. Back when I was doing my MA I was one of a half dozen students to volunteer at a communications conference being held here in Montreal. Our job was to register attendees. We worked with a computer system set up to automatically print nametags, and the printer would frequently malfunction. I remember watching one of my fellow volunteers curse and fight the machine, until the waiting attendee leaned over the desk and asked "Wouldn't it be easier if you just used a pen?" Appropriately enough, the man asking the question was Neil Postman, a well-known critic of society's increasing dependence on technology. It was the perfect quip from the perfect source, and it made my day. We handed him a writing utensil, he wrote out his name, and went on his way.


Postman's question came to mind on my last day of vacation in France this past July. My gracious hosts Guy and Mimi wanted to give me a jar of fresh homemade jam. Mimi scooped jam from the pot and into a jar, and Guy tasked himself with creating the label. He went to the computer, called up a word processing application, entered "Confiture de Peches, Mireille et Guy 2009", and initiated the print job. When the label came out, part of the text along the top was cut off. Guy fiddled with the word positioning, tried printing again, and again it came out incorrectly. So he tried again. And again. And again and again and again, his frustration mounting with each failed attempt, ruined sheets of labels littering the floor. After a half hour's struggle, he got it. The result was lovely, but the effort and waste involved was ridiculous.


Wouldn't it be easier if you just used a pen?


Such instances aside, I don't have much call for putting pen to paper nowadays. Aside from greeting cards, the only things I write out are grocery lists, the occasional cheque, and my signature on credit card receipts. Now that my credit card is chip-enabled, the opportunities to practice signing my own name will continue to dwindle.


And once Grandma Diggins passes away, there will be that much less incentive for me to try.


In the years before my Grandma Berube's death in 2001, her decline was visible in the cards she sent. As her motor control and mental faculties weakened, her letters became more spidery. This year my aunt Cathy wrote out Christmas cards on behalf of Grandma Diggins.


I've kept some of what they've sent over the years. The sight of their script means as much as the messages they convey.




(Note: Both cards are from 1995. The first is from Grandma Diggins, and the second from Grandma Berube.)


My awkward handwriting is not indicative of a loss of mental faculties. Not yet anyway.


But it does signal a certain kind of forgetting.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Lee, Elton, Ethel, and Orson

As the seasonal festive frenzy peaks, I invite you to pause a few moments and enjoy the following bit of holiday cheer:



Happy Merry!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Notes from the Trenches

[One cannot be expected to be productive at the office every day of the year, right? Especially with a company Christmas party coming up. The following is an excerpt from an instant message exchange with co-workers. Light editing was performed to clean up spelling errors and pare down personal details.]

Kim says:
It's tiring being cool and gracious all the time.

Kim says:
So I'm going to pick on Jess at the xmas party tonight.

Kim says:
Make fun of her airline hostess scarf.

Marvin says:
I can see why you might have wanted me to come though... Jess certainly would have dodged a bullet.

Kim says:
Exactly. You're a great punching bag.

Marvin says:
I thought so. Ask J for some salted peanuts and another pillow for me will you? (flight attendant reference)

Kim says:
Will do.

Kim says:
(snip)
Kim says:
Hey there, Marvin says he'd like some salted peanuts and an extra pillow when you've got a minute.

Jessica says:
Oh, hilarious.

Jessica says:
Marvin is only getting a slap in the face when I have a minute


(snip)

Marvin says:
OMG... you started the whole thing!

Jessica has been added to the conversation.

Marvin says:
Kim started the whole thing and prompted me to add something to the conversation. She should get the slap!

Jessica says:
You're both getting slapped

Jessica says:
that way it's even

Kim says:
Hee!

Marvin says:
Given the amount of things about me that I have to be bugged about (pear shape, hair loss, etc...) - don't you think I know to keep my mouth shut? Kim is evil... pure evil.

Kim says:
I never said you were pear shaped!

Jessica says:
Also, that's not even true

Jessica says:
you flap your lip all the time

Kim says:
Also, when I make fun of your hair it's because of its shape.

Kim says:
And yeah! You're a lip flapper!

Jessica says:
pear-shaped?

Marvin says:
No hang on that wasn't an invitation to start bugging me.

Kim says:
His hair you mean?

Jessica says:
yeah, what shape is it?

Kim says:
Sometimes astro boy, but lately it's like a triangle.

Marvin says:
Besides, Jess don't you have to prepare for arrival and crosscheck?

Jessica says:
there you go, flapping your lip again

Kim says:
I want her to point out the emergency exits.

Marvin has left the conversation.

Kim says:
Fine. He's left the conversation. What a wuss.

Jessica says:
I know, can't take the heat

Kim says:
And so he's out of the kitchen!

Jessica says:
sigh, what now?

Kim says:
Meh, I dunno.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Waxing Nostalgic


This candle is a family heirloom. He's been part of my Christmas landscape for as long as I can remember. And although more than thirty years old, Santa is as sprightly as ever.


Look at him: part of his left mitt was chewed off sometime in the late 70s, so he seems to be patting his hair coquettishly rather than waving. His cheeks and mouth are red, his eyelashes long, his wick still erect.


He is one of a set of three: two Santas and a Frosty the Snowman. Mom gave each of my siblings and I one when we moved out. She's funny like that. Every year I get a Christmas decoration in my stocking, be it a plastic penguin on skis, or a glass ornament purchased as part of a community fundraising effort, or a stuffed bear sporting a festive tuque. In the old days, mothers would collect linens for their daughters to prepare them for when they had households of their own. My mother does the same but with ornaments, as though a house is only a home at Christmastime when it contains a porcelain set of St. Nicks from around the world. I don't think any of us will ever burn our bequeathed candles. After seeing them lined up on side tables for a few dozen Decembers, setting fire to Santa and watching him melt would feel like sacrilege.


When I was growing up, my parents only lit candles that went on birthday cakes. Holiday pillars kept their white waxy tips from one year to the next, and this didn't seem unusual to me. My parents are not mood-lighting people. Although never stated, I think they view candle burning as an extravagance, and the flickering light an impediment to properly viewing the contents of their dinner plates. When we were young they probably also worried that one of us would accidentally burn the house down.


A few Christmases ago I took the train for the yearly trip to see my family. I arrived in the evening and mom picked me up at the station. When we got home I opened the front door and was greeted by loud music and a blaze of light. I can't remember whether carols were playing or if dad had simply put on some Dire Straits or Springsteen or Beatles or what. In any case, he was dancing, the tree lights were on along with all the overhead lights and lamps, and every single decorative candle in the room was lit. My sister and brother were already there, enjoying the show.


"He's been into the sauce," said Heather.


Dad looked over at mom and I and froze, making a mock show of fear. "Uh oh, now I'm in for it. Your mother's gonna kill me." Then he resumed his dance, throwing his head back and his arms up in the air.


"I did it, honey! I lit them! I lit them all!"

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Mutual Admiration Society

It seems I've actually inspired someone.
Neat! This makes my day.


Thanks Amanda!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Cottage Life

I haven't thought about the cottage in a while. Or cottages; in my immediate family there were three.

The first two were on Clear Lake, located in the Rideau Corridor (http://www.rideau-info.com/canal/ecology/article-ecology.html).

Cottage #1 was a cabin that my parents bought when they were young and cash-strapped. Green rug in the living room, plywood floor leading to a bathroom with a porta-pottie, and gas lamps for light.



My brother and sister and I shared a room crowded with a bunk bed and a fold-out cot. In floor corners we'd dump oversized hobo pouches made of bright, patterned 70s fabric. Mom fashioned them for us to pack our weekend gear, labeling each with our names in marker. Leftover material was used for bedroom curtains.


Daytime activities were varied. Picking wild blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries. Seeking out frogs, turtles, mink, snakes, mice, and chipmunks.



Observing the beaver dam. Fighting over binoculars to better view the blue heron or the loons on the lake. Swimming, canoeing, and riding to Chaffey's Lock in the red motorboat. And though I never got the hang of the windsurfer, dad did. On gusty days he was something to see.


Blackflies, horseflies, mosquitoes. Damselflies and dragonflies.


Patches of trillium and the leaning cedar tree.


Large indentations on the hill around the bend that I hypothesized were caused by dinosaur or meteor.


At night we read or played games like Boggle or Dominoes. Or cards. Christ, I sucked at cards. My sister kicked my ass every time.


Then there were the chores -- stick gathering comes to mind. I was probably a real pill about it too. Yup, idyllic as it was, there were times I moped about having to go to the cottage with my little brother and sister when it would be much more fun to stay in town for sleepover parties with friends. And use a real toilet.


Cottage #2 was built on the same piece of land. A bigger construction with a wood exterior. My parents had the frame built, and then tasked themselves with finishing the interior.



I recall it being a lot of work.


The old cabin was hauled away in wintertime after the new one was erected. I didn't miss it, but it maintains a more prominent place in my memory than its successors.


A few years later my parents sold the second place. I don't know why. Money problems? Stress over keeping up a second property? Irritation at having to listen to children complain that they'd rather be playing video games or hanging out at the mall?


Whatever the issue, they must have resolved it for a time, because a year or two later they bought cottage #3. It was in the same general area. Two stories, a few bedrooms, fully finished. But I was only there sporadically. My weekends were being given over increasingly to summer jobs and to my high school social life, such as it was. After a while, my parents sold again.


The constant during the first twenty years of my life was my grandparents' cottage, located about 45 minutes away from ours.


I had more fun there. My parents didn't view their surroundings through a filter of to-do lists, and there were usually lots of people around to distract my siblings and I from our bickering.


Details of that cottage on Higley Lake are still vivid: the screened-in porch where we'd have lunch, old framed photographs, floral-print sofas, blue upholstered rocking chair, party-line telephone, and the smell of something that I can only think might have been old books. There was a big window that overlooked the lake by day, and provided an entomological showcase by night. And the lake itself was great. It wasn't overtaken by weeds, and it was deep enough that you could do jumps off the end of the dock. We'd spend hours down there.



Back inside, granddad would serve us ginger ale, and we would place our glasses on pastel aluminum coasters.


Theirs was the site of many extended family dinners.


Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yay God.


My grandparents sold the cottage in the mid-nineties, I think. They were getting older and having trouble keeping the place up, and with new constructions popping up along the property line, the sense of seclusion was spoiled anyway.


During my late teens and early twenties, the cottage experience faded. After years in the suburbs I was enjoying life in Toronto, and then Montreal. It was urban and it was exciting. At the time I couldn't get enough of it.


But lately there's been a shift. Getting out of town to a cottage is a treat that doesn't happen often enough for my liking. Granted, it's different now. My friends and I usually rent a place near St. Agathe. Or we take advantage of the Elkin family cabin near St. Sauveur. Our meals are fancier, the booze flows freely. We have Double Dominoes instead of Dominoes, and the best evenings include a few rounds of Celebrities.



But the nighttime absence of city hum and light is the same as it ever was, and the air smells just as good.


And while I may be all grown up, competitive dock jumping never gets old.