I have a Google Mail account. When I check my messages, Google helpfully offers me advertisements for products it thinks I need. For example, a friend recently sent me a message with the subject heading Yo! Based on the ads for beginner English courses that displayed alongside the message box, my e-mail system has apparently concluded that I am illiterate.
Another recent message from a friend contained the word Sorry. Google took the term and ran with it, returning with the following promotional gold: Sorry Poem, and Apology eCards (“Hurt someone’s feelings? Make your apology memorable with cute eCards!”) Damn, Google. It’s like you can see inside my soul.
I like the idea of the sorry poem. We could all use one every once in a while, right? If you can’t get your hands on a case of beer and a couple of pool noodles, lines of verse can be the next best thing to diffuse tension and bring people closer together.
What I’m trying to say is this: I smell a money-making venture. I’ve been looking for ways to supplement my income, and I think sorry poems are the ticket. Check it out, here’s one with local flavour:
There once was a girl from Quebec
Who was sometimes a pain in the neck
She’d hold too much in
Then make friends’ heads spin
And they’d be all like “Meh! What the heck?”
Oh, wait. That won’t sell. It’s all exposition and no sorry. Maybe the limerick isn’t the ideal vehicle for amends. Maybe I need to try a different form. Maybe I need to haiku.
Pissy bull tips scales
Cherry blossoms float away
Bull says: “Shit. Sorry!”
See? I can totally do this. So the next time you’re in a pickle and duking it out with a loved one, drop me a line and I’ll see what I can whip up for you!
Note: Will work for food.
4 comments:
I think you're really on to something here - I'd pay for that prose!
Until your business is up and running, I'll just make sure to always have a pool noodle handy.
I think one should always have pool noodles on hand no matter what.
But yeah, I will totally take your money in exchange for my haiku genius!
Or food ... did I mention that I will also accept food?
Pool noodles are very handy here too....when being swept out to sea by a hurricane!
Is no one else alarmed by the wave of incontinence sweeping the nation such that even bulls are pissy? Or maybe it's not really a wave of incontinence so much as me being too busy to get up from my work station more than once every 12 hours... Oh, and that pissy bull in Kim's haiku.
Might I suggest instead "sorry" song titles? Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry, Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word, I'm Sorry Mama... that is all.
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